Nothing can truly prepare you for the loss of a loved one. You may feel a wide range of emotions- anger, sadness, numbness- all of which are entirely normal. It’s important to allow yourself the time and space to grieve in your own way. Losing a loved one is one of life’s most heart-wrenching and stressful experiences, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate grief. However, there are strategies that may help you cope.
What are the stages of grief? The 5 stages of grief
The five stages of grief were developed by the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who introduced them in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. She described the stages as follows:
- Denial: After losing someone you love, it’s common to feel numb or to carry on as though nothing has changed. Even though we understand that someone has died, accepting the reality that we will never see, hear, or hug someone important to us can be very difficult. This can lead to feelings of denial, disbelief, avoiding your grief, or saying, “I’m fine.”
- Anger: The loss of a loved one can often feel unfair or cruel, which can lead to feelings of anger. It’s normal to feel angry at the person who died, at ourselves, or at others. We may struggle with anger over not being able to save that person or about things we did or didn’t do before they passed.
- Bargaining: Death can be difficult to accept. Bargaining involves making deals with ourselves or a higher power to regain control over the situation and alleviate our pain. This might look like constantly replaying past events, asking “what if,” promising to change, etc.
- Depression: When people think of grief, they often think of the stage of depression. This stage is marked by intense sadness, feelings of being overwhelmed, and a tendency to withdraw from friends and family.
- Acceptance: The final stage is acceptance, which involves acknowledging the reality of loss. This doesn’t mean that the grief is gone or that the feelings have vanished, but rather that some of the intense waves of emotions have started to subside.
Learn more about how matcha can help with depression
What is the grieving process?
Even though there are five accepted stages of grief, grief is not linear, and it doesn’t follow a clear pattern. Everyone has their own way of grieving, and timelines vary. Grief is often described as coming in waves, and these waves can be especially triggered by special events like birthdays, holidays, meaningful places, or certain songs. With time, the intensity of these waves may lessen, but the sense of loss for our loved ones never truly disappears.
It’s natural to wonder how long grief will last, but there’s no set timeline. Some people may grieve for a few days or weeks, while others may grieve for years. Generally, symptoms of grief tend to ease after about 1-2 years, but the process is unique for everyone.
What are the symptoms of grief?
Grief looks different for everyone, and so does how it looks. However, losing someone important to you can come with very real symptoms, such as:
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Low energy
- Insomnia
- Anxiety
- Confusion
- Tightness in throat or chest
- Feeling overstimulated
- Irritability
- Loss of interest in activities
- Difficulty making decisions
8 Things to keep in mind while grieving:
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It’s ok if you don’t cry- everyone grieves in their own way
Grief is often associated with tears, but not everyone will cry, and that’s perfectly normal. The absence of tears doesn’t diminish the depth of your feelings or the love you have for the person you lost. Feeling numb is also quite common and could be your mind’s way of protecting you from overwhelming and intense emotions. What matters most is allowing yourself to grieve in the way that feels right for you.
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There’s no set time frame for grieving
Grieving is a highly individual process. Whether your grief lasts a short time or extends over many years, it’s important to remember that there’s no universal timeline. Some people may find some relief after six months, while others will still be deeply grieving after two years. All experiences are valid.
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Grief can be a roller coaster
Grief is often described as a roller coaster or waves. At first, the waves may crash over you frequently and intensely. Over time, they may become less frequent, but grief doesn’t follow a predictable path. It can resurface unexpectedly, triggered by things like a song, a restaurant, birthdays, holidays, or other reminders.
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You are not alone
Losing a loved one can feel incredibly isolating, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. It’s common for people to withdraw from friends and family during grief, but having support from your community is crucial. Simply being around people who care about you can be healing. Support groups and professionals, like grief counseling, can also be helpful, especially if you are uncomfortable opening up to those around you or if your loved ones seem unsure how to support you.
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Give yourself grace
Be patient with yourself during this process. Your grieving journey will be unique, and it’s natural for it to differ from that of your friends and family. No matter how your grief manifests, it’s normal. Try not to compare yourself to others and allow yourself to experience all of your emotions, including moments of happiness and joy.
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Your needs still matter
It’s more important than ever to take care of yourself, and it’s not selfish to prioritize your needs. You can honor the memory of your loved one while still finding time for things you enjoy, and that fill your cup.
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It won’t feel like this forever
Grief can feel endless, but the intensity will not last forever. It may also feel unnerving to imagine a time when you are not grieving, but this doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten or stopped loving the person you lost. While you will forever miss and remember them, the intense and overwhelming feelings of despair will gradually lessen with time.
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Routine can be helpful
Sticking to your routine can be a helpful way to protect and take of yourself through grief. Routines can provide a sense of normalcy and can also be an important way to make sure your basic needs are being met even while dealing with possibly intense emotions. Having some predictability and regularity in your day can help you adjust to life after losing someone you care about and can give you a sense of control.
The bottom line:
The death of a loved one can affect every aspect of your life and may result in symptoms such as depression, anger, nausea, headaches, and insomnia. Losing someone you love is considered one of the most stressful life experiences, as your entire world can change overnight. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone will move through the grieving process at their own pace. While understanding the stages of grief can be helpful, grief is not linear.
Grieving can feel overwhelming, but reaching out to friends, family, or professional support is important. Giving yourself grace, finding and sticking to a routine, and knowing that the despair won’t last forever may also bring you some relief.
If you need support while coping with grief, please reach out to a professional. You do not have to go through this alone.
Disclaimer: These statements in this blog post have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The information provided here is for educational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice. It's essential to consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any dietary or lifestyle changes.
Resources:
Tyrrell P, Harberger S, Schoo C, et al. Kubler-Ross Stages of Dying and Subsequent Models of Grief. [Updated 2023 Feb 26]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK507885/
Stroebe M, Schut H, Boerner K. Cautioning Health-Care Professionals. Omega (Westport). 2017 Mar;74(4):455-473. doi: 10.1177/0030222817691870. PMID: 28355991; PMCID: PMC5375020.
Zisook S, Shear K. Grief and bereavement: what psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry. 2009 Jun;8(2):67-74. doi:10.1002/j.2051-5545.2009.tb00217.x. PMID: 19516922; PMCID: PMC2691160.
