What No One Tells You About Getting and Being Pregnant
In the past year, we've gone through the major life transformations of becoming mothers and being pregnant. In this episode, we both share their radically different and equally intimate and emotional paths to pregnancy—as well as the things that people don’t often share about during the 1st and 2nd trimester that came as big surprises to them as first-time moms.
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TRANSCRIPT FOR SEASON 1, EPISODE 5 | What No One Tells You About Getting and Being Pregnant
Host: None of the information in this podcast should be considered medical advice. Always consult your healthcare team. Welcome to the Matcha Guardians Podcast, brought to you by matcha.com. Here we focus on the biggest trending health topics of our time, featuring the greatest and upcoming wellness advocates. Now, here are the Matcha Guardians: certified nutritionist Diana Weil and medical journalist Elara Hadjipateras.
Diana Weil: Welcome, welcome to this week's episode. I am so excited to talk about this. This is something that Elara and I have had a pact about for years, something that we checked in every couple of months. "Hey, how are you doing? How are you feeling about this?" Elara, I'm excited. Are you ready?
Elara Hadjipateras: I know, Diana. This is something that before we've hit the record button, we've been discussing before every podcast, so exciting that we finally get to share it with you. Diana and I are both pregnant.
Diana: Woo-hoo!
Elara: We are pregnant. This is our pregnancy podcast. We're both first-time moms, so we thought, "What could be more fun than just bringing you all through our journey of becoming pregnant, the experience of being pregnant, what was expected, what was unexpected, surprises, scary moments along the way?" Yes, let's just jump right into it. This is our favorite question we ask each other, and it's amazing and I think that even if you're pregnant or not, everyone should ask you this question instead of, "How are you doing?" How are you feeling, Diana?
Diana: I actually remember when I was like, "Hey, Elara. How's pregnancy going?" You were like, "I love it because everyone asks how I am feeling." I just want to preface this by saying that we are filming at the beginning of November, and I am very early in my pregnancy. I'm seven and a half weeks pregnant, and Elara is?
Elara: Seven and a half months pregnant.
Diana: Okay. Very different experiences. I'm feeling not great, to be honest. I feel nauseous. You guys, I love vegetables. I eat vegetables. I have lived off white bread for the last week and a half. That is all I eat is white bread. I don't feel amazing, but we'll get into a little bit more of that later. Elara, how are you feeling?
Elara: Today, I'm feeling fabulous. I had leftover linguini and clams as my breakfast this morning. Yes, the carb train reigns supreme all through three trimesters. At least I can say that for me. I remember when I was in my first trimester, I loved oyster crackers. You know those little puffy crackers that you throw into a chowder or soup?
Diana: Oh, yes.
Elara: I’d just always grab them at the buffet at the Whole Foods, just to get a couple of those. It's good to just have them at different times of day because I also found, in the beginning, it's important to graze, right? Small meals. Eating a little bit too much at once can be overwhelming. Let's rewind the track a little bit and maybe tell our listeners a little bit about how we ended up here. I know that you guys all know how we ended up here. We have husbands, and one thing leads to another, but let's get into the nitty-gritty of it a little bit here. Should I go first since I'm farther along the way?
Diana: I think, definitely, I want to hear your story. I just want to preface this by saying, I'm hoping today we can talk about our journeys and also get into the taboos of pregnancy and expectations and just dive into maybe all the areas that people are afraid to talk about in pregnancy because I'm new-ish to this journey and I'm already like, "Whoa, that is not good information."
Everyone listening, I'm hoping that we can share our journeys with you and then also get into all the stuff that you want to say out loud but maybe you're afraid to. Okay. Elara, tell us your journey. Please share it.
Elara: I have been with my husband for about eight years. We've been married for three years. We had a COVID wedding, which was wonderful. Then my husband was in an MBA program, so we thought that's not exactly the best time to be having a baby. We were the type of couple who I would say over-planned. We haven't been trying, for example, since we got married.
We were like, "All right, let's take this time to enjoy being married, focus on our careers a little bit, get down to work, and then we'll go for the pregnancy journey come 2023." Fast forward or I guess let's actually rewind the track. Last fall, I was ready to start trying then; my husband was not. He had a very hard line of "The earliest we're going to start trying is going to be March" because if we start trying in March, his MBA program he was graduating from was in August.
He figured there was no way that any baby would pop into the picture or cause any complications before he graduated and while he was writing his thesis. He just thought, "I want to be able to support you through your pregnancy and be there." He was realistic with himself. He had to focus on his thesis. It was very stressful. He's also working full-time at the same time. We said, "Okay, let's wait until March."
Diana: We love a supportive partner, by the way. So sweet.
Elara: We love a supportive partner. I think that makes a huge difference. I originally went off… I've been on contraceptive oral birth control for the last 10 years, I want to say, a long time. One of the things I had heard is that it was good to get off of my contraceptive medication a couple of months before we actively started trying, to clear out my system. I went off of a contraceptive in November of last year and then I used an app. Do you remember what the app was, Diana, that we used?
[00:05:19] Diana: Is it Natural Cycles?
[00:05:20] Elara: Yes, Natural Cycles. We started using Natural Cycles, and we just practiced safe sex in regards to not having any unprotected sex around the times that I was most likely ovulating, right? Tried and true, we also, not to be crude, used the pullout method, which for us it worked. Natural Cycles, avoiding those red-alert days, and pulling out, that's what we did. We did that for November, December, January, February, March, April.
We went on a trip to Japan. It was the first time that we had really done any big traveling. It was for my husband's work, but we went on a nice vacation. We enjoyed ourselves. We had a lot of sake. I think I probably put on a few pounds on vacation, which is what you should do. That's one of the other tips that I got before getting pregnant, actually, from my father, who is a general practitioner.
He said, "I know that you're a health fanatic and you usually are on the lean side, but you want to have a little bit more weight to you. It's a bit easier to get pregnant." We got back from Japan, and at the time, I was flying back and forth to London. I remember the exact weekend that it happened, which I don't know if that's the case for most people, but it was like Peter had to stay in Japan an extra week and a half to work on a ship.
He works in shipping, which could be its own episode entirely. Peter comes back from Japan. I'm back from London. We're together one weekend and then a couple of weeks later, it's two days before my 32nd birthday, and I'm on the phone with my brother. I'm like, "I've been feeling a little off lately, a little strange." My brother knew that we were going to start trying come the end of March when we got back from Japan.
He went, "Yes, you should probably take a pregnancy test. That's usually what people do." I went over to the pharmacy, grabbed a couple of tests, and took it thinking it's totally not going to be positive, and boom, it was positive. We were a one-hit wonder. It happened right away, which was a shock for us because I had buffered in thinking it would take at least six months because that's what I read online. I thought that that was going to be our timeline. Nobody plans to have a Christmas baby.
Diana: We had discussed that. We were like, "The only time we are not going to have babies around is Christmas/New Year's." What does she do? She gets a Christmas/New Year's baby.
Elara: I will say now it's actually a great thing. Maybe this is me just finding the silver lining, and I'm just a hopeful optimist. Now I get to have my baby in the wintertime when everyone's really cozy, and we're all really wearing big coats, and there's less exciting things going on and then by the time the summer comes around, the baby will be able to have his head up, and I'll be in a little bit better shape than I will be, say, a couple of weeks after pregnancy. I'd say it worked out. In a nutshell, it happened right away. It was a little unexpected, and here I am seven and a half months later, but let's just turn it over to you, Diana.
Diana: Okay, a totally opposite experience. If we could 0 to 100, a totally opposite experience. Very similar. Elara and I had chatted about maybe a year ago about being like, "Hey, in the fall, we're going to get pregnant." Then I had some job changes, some insurance changes, and we decided, "It's probably not the right time." I'd had an IUD for like-- I don't know. I've been on birth control since I was 16, and I'm 32 now, so forever.
It was like, "Okay, I think we're just going to hold off for a little bit," but when I first started dating my husband, week four into dating, he was like, "Hey, I think that I'm infertile," and I was like, "That's a future Diana's problem. I really like you. I think you're very cute. I'm going to deal with that later." It'd always been in the back of my mind that maybe we were going to have problems having kids.
As the date quickly approached of, "I'm going to take out my IUD. I'm going to get my cycle back. I'm going to learn what my cycle is because I haven't had a period since I was 16," I started thinking, "There is a valid concern here." Everyone told us, "It only takes one sperm. You guys are totally fine. Try for a year. Don't stress about it." In the back of my mind, I was like, "I don't think that that's true. I think that there is a valid concern here, and I don't think it makes sense to wait a year if we suspect that there's something wrong."
I had made doctor's appointments for both of us, for me to get my IUD out, and for my husband, he hadn't had blood work done in forever, and I'm a big proponent of "Go get your blood checked, see what's going on with your health." I just put it out to him. I didn't force him. I just said, "Hey, we've agreed that we're going to maybe start trying for a baby. You're concerned about if you're fertile, and if you want to have an opportunity, this is an opportunity to talk to the doctor."
He goes in, and I think that this, we feel we're very blessed here because I think a lot of times people are very dismissive about fertility struggles. If you haven't been trying for a full year, they say, "Try for a full year, come back to us." The doctor that he saw had had something. I can't remember what it was, but he had to have a procedure in order to have children. He didn't have any sperm.
They went in, and I don't know. They fixed something. I think that he was very receptive to listening to Harley's story and Harley's concerns. He immediately sent Harley in for a semen analysis. Harley had to give him a collection of semen, which is a whole-- [laughs]
Elara: Can we have the husbands? I think we have to do a husband's podcast once the kids are here to just get their side of the story.
Diana: Yes, definitely. I know. I can't wait for him to listen to this. He did a semen analysis, and he came back with nothing. There was no sperm. He had no sperm. That led us on the path of, "Can we have kids? Do we adopt? Do we have a sperm donor? What do we do?" It's taken us about-- I guess we started in January, it's November now. I'm seven weeks pregnant. Here we are, and I am pregnant.
He had to have his testicles cut open and had to have sperm extracted, but we got them. We went through IVF. We had a very lucky experience in terms of the first time worked. We had a successful egg retrieval. Both of our egg and sperm were of a high quality, so they fertilized really well. I say when people ask me how IVF has been, it's like both better and worse than I thought it was going to be because it happened, and we're here, and we're pregnant, and that makes me emotional just thinking about it.
The hormones were intense, and I gave myself a lot of shots, but it also was not as big of a deal as I thought it was going to be. In terms of, I think Elara and I both have opposite experiences. The one thing that I really love about both of our journeys is that we were deep in our infertility struggles when Elara told me that she was pregnant, and I was just so excited for her. I was just like, "I think it's because I'm pregnant, but I'm getting emotional."
Elara: It happens.
Diana: When she called me, I don't know. I think I was in the first couple of people that she told, and I was just thrilled for you. You have been there every single step of the way. Every single shot that I've taken, every breakdown I've had, you've been like, "You know what, it's going to happen. It's going to be okay." I really love that even though we had very different experiences, we were both able to be there and support each other.
Elara: I think I called you the day I found out a couple of hours after I took my pregnancy test because I have zero self-control and just love sharing good news. That was before I even told Peter. I think I was like, "Hey, guess what?" You guessed it before I even said it. You're like, "You're pregnant." I'm like, "Yes."
Diana: I knew.
Elara: You knew.
Diana: I think the same for you. I think I've texted you that it was positive before I even told Harley. I was like, "It happened. I'm pregnant." [laughs]
Elara: Oh, yes. This is great. Diana, I knew what day she was going in and got the embryo implanted inside her.
Diana: Which, by the way, I didn't even tell my own mother that. Elara knew, but no one else in my family did.
Elara: You're going to make me cry. I knew the day, but then when was it? A week later, we were on our weekly work content call with the whole team. This is a call with nine people. Diana and I notoriously, for better or worse, we tend to message each other while we're on a conference call. Who doesn't? She just sends me a picture of her positive pregnancy test, and I just immediately start crying.
I don't normally start crying on a Google Hangout call. Immediately, we start getting Slack messages from our boss being like, "Girls, this is very unprofessional. What's going on?" Of course, I was in no position to be telling Diana's news, which brings me to the point of, let's move on to another topic within pregnancy, which is "How do you tell people about it? When are you supposed to tell people about it?" There's taboos around this that I've heard.
Diana: Yes. You and I, I think, did what everyone says not to do.
Elara: Yes, 100%.
Diana: They say don't tell anybody until you're in your second trimester, and that's because of the risk of miscarriage, right, that if something goes wrong, you don't want people to know. Can you start us off with, why did you not follow that advice, and how did it feel for you?
Elara: Well, I was just excited. I guess, for me, I just thought for better or worse, I wanted the people that I loved along for the journey with me. In my mind, if I hadn't told anyone and I, God forbid, did suffer a miscarriage, that would be a really hard thing to go through alone, right, especially when you're working with someone and you're talking to them really intimately on a day-to-day basis.
They're going to tell that something is off. I almost feel like that's worse right after the fact, actually, three months ago when I was feeling off this or that, I was going through that alone. In my experience, when I have had friends choose to go that route and they have suffered miscarriages, it's led to some really trying times for couples because they're the only two people who know in the whole world, in the whole planet. That's a lot of pressure to put on your partner.
I guess that was my take. I was just excited. I was pumped. I was excited. I was like the sound of music. I would be running in the prairie field, just telling everybody I was pregnant. It's funny. My father and my brother, who are both physicians, one's a psychiatrist, one's a general practitioner, were both recommending to me outside of my immediate friend circle, my five closest friends, and my family, they said, "Don't say anything until you have an ultrasound at around six weeks where you hear the heartbeat."
That was their recommendation. At that point, I think I started telling an outer layer. Then, of course, my parents couldn't help themselves, and I started getting congratulations text messages from aunts and uncles being like, "Congratulations on the baby," which, Diana, I think you actually had an even better experience than I did in that department, right?
Diana: [laughs] Yes. Well, I just want to back up a little bit. It's funny because going through IVF, they tell you, "Hey, don't talk about this with--" It's not that that's outwardly said, but a lot of people going through IVF don't share that they're going through IVF. Harley and I were both, very early on, decided that that wasn't the approach that we were going to take.
I actually give this up to Harley because, in this beginning, it was like, "This is Harley's medical concern. Is it my thing to share?" I loved what he said. He said, "I feel like if we keep it a secret, it's something that we're shameful of, and I don't want to feel ashamed of this." We were really open about the fact that we went through IVF, which I will say did make it a little bit difficult to then keep any of it secret because everyone knew that we were going through IVF.
Even though I told people so early that we were pregnant, I feel the same way that you do, that IVF was really intense and I was emotional, and my body was doing weird things. I cannot imagine not having the support of my family and friends through that, and also not having the grace. I went to a workout class, and I think that there was a song by Stevie Nicks playing, and I just was sobbing. I just had so many hormones running through my body.
I needed the grace for people to be like, "This is what's going on with her, and let me help her through this" rather than being like, "Why is this girl sobbing in a Stevie Nicks' song?" I felt the same way about pregnancy. It was like, "Pregnancy is hard. First trimester, that's all that I'm at right now, but it sounds like the first trimester is a butt kicker. How do you get through that without people understanding what's going on for you?"
I respect people who are more private than we are. I am a very bad secret keeper, at least for my own secrets. I like to think I can keep other people's secrets, but I'm not a good secret keeper. That being said, what Elara is alluding to is that we told some family that we were pregnant, and we are just keeping it among family, friends, and half of the world, but we haven't told the other half of the world yet.
They were so excited. They immediately posted it on Facebook, which is like if I look at it from the perspective of, you're just very excited, then it's not a biggie, but then the other hand, it's like, "That's my news. I wanted to share that." I don't know if you felt that you were like, "I wanted to be the one to tell my aunt and uncles that I was pregnant."
Elara: Absolutely, yes. I think my mother ended up telling me that one of my uncles was offended that I hadn't called him yet. I was like, "How would I have called him yet if I haven't even told my in-laws."
Diana: Right, exactly.
Elara: There's a pecking order here that has to be cross your T's, dot your I's.
Diana: How did you tell Peter?
Elara: The way I told Peter was, at the time, I was living in Denmark, I was living in Copenhagen, and I spent a lot of time with my nine-year-old neighbor named Rainey, who I would babysit. Rainey would often come over to my house to walk the dogs with me. Rainey came over. We went for a dog walk. I told her I was pregnant. I asked her, I went, "How do you think I should do it?"
I have these two giant chalkboards that I used to have hanging in my kitchen back in Denmark. She helped me write, "I am pregnant in Danish," which I knew my husband would have no idea what it said, which made it better. Gravid is Danish for pregnant. She wrote the message in Danish and then we drew a rainbow. Then I put at the bottom, "You can say I told you so dot, dot, dot" because my husband always joked.
He was like, "It's going to happen right away. You know that it's going to happen right away." I was like, "No, no, no. Statistically speaking, that's a ridiculous notion." Then what I did is I had an arrow pointing to the room next door to where the chalkboard was. I had taken four or five pregnancy tests. I had placed all the tests in a box that also said, "I am pregnant" in Danish.
He came home from work. I didn't feel like I could tell him on the phone, even though I had told a couple of people on the phone before he came home. He came home from work, and he sits in the kitchen, and he stares at the chalkboard and doesn't register what it says. He's like, "What's that?" I was like, "I don't know. What do you think it is?" He was like, "I don't know." I was like, "Follow the arrow." I had to spoon-feed him a little bit. I was like, "Follow the arrow. Go this way. Go this way."
He wasn't really connecting the dots, and he goes in the room, and he's like, "Why am I in this room?" I was like, "The box, open the box." Then he opens the box, and he looks at the first test, and he just was like, "I told you so." I was like, "I know. I told you that you could say that." He was like, "Are you sure?" I was like, "Yes, pretty sure. I took five of those." I'm like, "You can see them all there." Yes, that's the way I told him.
Diana: I love that. One thing that I love for you, I love your journey or I don't know, maybe you just are very stoic. I feel like you've had a pretty wonderful pregnancy. Every day, I'm like, "Hey, Elara, how are you doing?" She's like, "You know what, I love this. I feel good." I know the third trimester is probably a little bit harder than what you were experiencing.
One thing that we've talked about that I want to get into is that you've had a really good pregnancy, and we've talked about how when you're with someone who maybe is having a harder pregnancy, that you feel the need to complain about pregnancy or that you can't talk about how good it's been for you. I don't know. I'm just curious if you have any thoughts about that or how that experience has been for you.
Elara: Absolutely. I love being pregnant. Let me just say it right now. I love it. I could do it lots of times over. Maybe speak to me after the birth, but as of right now, I've really genuinely enjoyed it. I have maintained my workout regimen. I'm still, to my father's dismay, doing CrossFit classes up to four times a week. I can't do certain activities like I used to be able to, but I love breaking a sweat.
I love pushing myself. I haven't experienced any morning sickness. I'm so sorry, Diana. I had a few headaches in the first trimester, but overall, I guess to preface this, before I went on my pregnancy journey, I was a bit of an on-and-off smoker, and I would occasionally drink, more often than not. I think since being pregnant and since being sober, I have reflected and realized how much of those habits made me feel bad.
A lot of the times when I used to have headaches or anxiety or stomachaches, it had to do with those bad habits that I had. Just not having those anymore, I've felt really good. Then I think the other side of the coin is that because we had such an easy time getting pregnant, I think there is a little part of me subconsciously that feels like I don't have a right to complain. It's been so easy, right?
What could I possibly have to complain about, right? When people are going through IVF, when people are suffering miscarriages, how? I don't know, right? Maybe there's something deep inside me that I don't think that I have a huge pain threshold. I really do think I have had just an easy pregnancy. I don't feel like I can complain. I don't have a right to complain, which maybe I could give myself a little bit more grace, and I could be a little bit less hard on myself.
Overall, I've been really happy, and I'm just grateful. Another part of my pregnancy journey I guess I didn't share in the beginning of the podcast is that this part might make me get emotional. Diana probably knows where I'm going, is that my husband and I, we've been together for eight years, and since the first time I laid eyes on him, I knew he was my guy. I wanted him to be my baby daddy.
We got accidentally pregnant back in 2017, and I found out two months, and we decided to terminate the pregnancy because it just didn't make sense at the time. Both of us are very career-oriented. I think I had this little thing in the back of my head, this voice that was telling me because I made that decision so many years ago, that I'd get punished when the time came around that I was ready. There was a bit of that element, too, of I have a guilt factor of that. I'm just really grateful for this opportunity and that it's been so smooth.
Diana: Oof. I just have chills, and I want to give you a hug. Not to sound too therapist to you but I so appreciate your vulnerability because I think I knew that about you, but I didn't know if that was something that you would share. I think that that helps normalize so many things for people and is really important for people to hear, and just this idea that you would be punished for it. I just love you. Your little baby to come is so lucky to have you as a mama.
Elara: Oh, thank you. I love you, too. I appreciate that. Yes, I was really hard on myself for a couple of years. My husband and I went through a period of not knowing if we wanted to have kids. I was really envious of my friends that seemed to just land on either side of the fence like no kids, live it up, have lots of savings, go on amazing trips or the ones that were like, "Yes, we're having three to four, and we're going to start now."
We had a few years where it was like, "I don't know. We'll see." I think subconsciously maybe I always did want to have kids, and it was more of my husband who was on the fence about it. I love him so much that I just didn't want to be in a position where I felt like I had to choose, right? That's a really hard choice that I hope no one has to make, but sometimes I understand that you do need to make that hard choice. I guess don't beat yourself up over it. It doesn't mean that there's not going to be a second chance, a third chance, or a fourth chance down the line.
Diana: Yes. Isn't that so interesting? I think Harley and I, it was one of those conversations we had early on when he was like, "Hey, I'm infertile. Do you want to have kids, and do you want to get married?" We both agreed, but I think for both of those things, I was ready before he was. It's interesting I think when that happens because how do you-- Obviously, you want your partner on board.
This is a two-way thing, right? We got to agree on this together, but what do you do when one of you is ready? Harley and I had a lot of conversations of like, "Hey, I can't wait forever. I do have a time clock, and I am 32, which I know is still relatively young, but it's actually not when you look at fertility." It is this interesting, I didn't want to push him into having kids, but we also had to have some tough conversations of you would probably wait until you were 50, which I don't know if Peter's the same way but realistically.
Elara: Oh, absolutely.
Diana: They're like, "Hey, let's wait until we're 50." I'm like, "You know that doesn't work for my body." I think that those are also really tough conversations to have. I don't know that I have an answer for everyone, you know what I mean? To be totally honest, there were a couple of nights that I was in tears with Harley because I was like, "This isn't going to happen. I want to have babies."
I don't know if you and Peter ever experienced that. I will say we're both-- Obviously, Harley split his balls open for this, so he is in [laughter] full agreement and ready to have kids. Those are also really hard. Nothing about this process is easy. Whatever someone's journey is, you've had a really wonderful pregnancy, and you got pregnant the first time, but you also had to deal with the decision to terminate a pregnancy.
I had to go through IVF. I don't know a single person who just had a lovely, wonderful birth pregnancy. You're going to have struggles, and whatever your struggles are, are going to be personal to you. I think leaving, as best as you can, guilt and shame out of that experience is I think my best advice and having conversations with your partner.
Elara: Yes, and pregnancy, it's a rollercoaster of emotions before you get pregnant, while you're pregnant, I'm sure after you get pregnant, you just have to ride the ride and enjoy it a little bit. It's a bit of breathless excitement, as I like to say, aka fear.
Diana: And literally breathless because I cannot catch my breath. [laughs]
Elara: Well, oh my gosh. Diana knows the other day, we were filming another episode, and I have two Australian shepherds that are very vivacious, and one started barking while we were recording. I wouldn't even say I had to run, I just grabbed her and put her towards the other side of the house so you wouldn't hear her barking. By the time I came back to the desk and sat down, I wanted to just get right back into it, our producer, Jon, had to stop the recording and interrupt me because I was so flushed in the face and could hardly breathe. It would be very obvious to listeners that I was out of breath. Oh my gosh, that's a symptom that nobody tells you about how out of breath you get.
Diana: That was my first symptom. That's actually how I knew that it had worked that our IVF round had worked.
Elara: Really?
Diana: Yes, I was on a dog walk. I do this dog walk every day, and it was the smallest little baby hill, and I was like [gasps] [laughs]
Elara: I know. Hills, stairs, new-- I used to love the StairMaster. I could do 30, 40 minutes on the StairMaster. Oh my gosh. I would die. I would die. This brings me to, let's go over the symptoms nobody tells you about according to trimester, so starting with the first.
Diana: Okay, well, I can only talk about the first, so you'll have to be our expert for the second and third.
Elara: I will. I'll go into the second and third, but for the first, what have they been for you?
Diana: The heart rate thing was wild for me. Everyone talks about being nauseous. I was like, "Okay, I'm ready for the nausea." I did not realize that I was going to be out of breath at all times. I'd had headaches, which I also did not realize was a pregnancy thing. I think that that's something that you experience. My dreams are so vivid and then these are a little bit more personal but the constipation, such a real thing.
Elara: Yes. Strange. I have always had a very easy system, so to speak. That was a bit of a shock.
Diana: A bit of a shock and then also there's a little bit more passion, you know what I mean? There's a little--
Elara: There's a little lust, right? The girls are getting bigger, the breasts are growing, and you feel sexy or pumping with hormones.
Diana: Totally agree.
Elara: I definitely had an increase in sex drive, honestly, throughout the whole pregnancy. Yes, increase in sex drive while being constipated Wow. Isn't that amazing? My first tell being pregnant was passing gas, farting. I never crop dust. I am just not a crop duster, by any means.
It was like a week and a half before I took my pregnancy test. I remember I was over in London and I was opening up a pop-up for my company, and I was passing gas. It was embarrassing. I had to make trips to the bathroom just to pass gas. I was like, "What is going on with me?" I remember just mentioning in passing when we were packing up one night, and my boss was like, "Maybe you're pregnant." I was like, "No, no, that's a silly notion." Yes, constipation, farting. Very crazy vivid dreams. I wish that I had started keeping a dream journal, which I've already told you before, highly recommend it. Over-googling things.
Diana: Oh, my entire Google is--
Elara: The same thing over and over again. It's disturbing, yes, the amount of times that you read, "By how many weeks does the risk of miscarriage go down?" It's nonstop and then a sense of smell. Particularly, I remember I hated the smell of bleach. It smelled like dirty cat litter to me. Hated it.
Diana: Pregnancy is weird. It really is. It's a strange thing.
Elara: All right. Second trimester, which I know you're not in yet, but I think we've gone over some of these things, is that the second trimester is this weird time where your bump isn't quite pronounced, but you're growing. Insecurities about bump size is definitely one of the symptoms nobody tells you about. You're just constantly Googling and being like, "What's the normal bump size at week whatever?"
You keep reading like, "Everybody's bump is different." It doesn't stop you. You'll keep comparing the size of your bump and stuff. Your bra size significantly changes, so you have to go out and buy new bras. I had back acne, which now I think is linked to the testosterone of having a boy. That was not great. I was not into that. Then this is a really, I know, gross one, but different smells “down there.”
However you normally smell, things are changing, and you're aware of it. I think you have that hypersensitive smell. I felt like I needed to shower two or three times a day, and I'd literally make my husband smell me. I'd be like, "Do you smell me?" He'd be like, "You don't smell." I was very self-conscious about it. That's continued into the third.And then towards the end of the pregnancy, which nobody told me about, leaking nipples.
Diana: Yes, that was new. I didn't know that until you were like, "Hey, Diana, guess what's happening to my body." [laughs]
Elara: The way I found out was not great. It was like my husband told me. He's like, "Hey, Elara, by the way, your nipples are leaking." I was like, "What? This is so weird." He had actually, to his credit, done some reading on pregnancy, and he was not surprised. He was like, "It's totally normal. It's a good thing. It means that you'll have strong milk production. This is called colostrum."
Peter shined in that moment. Then for the third trimester, even crazier dreams, believe it or not. Then, oh, pregnancy brain frog. Brain fog. See, I can't even speak because of it. Pregnancy brain fog. I cannot tell you how much trouble I have concentrating sometimes, and I'm just much more forgetful. I've become a big fan of using reminders on my phone. Last week, I even left my phone in my refrigerator. Who does that? It's ridiculous. My feet are bigger now. I now am a size 10 in sneakers.
Diana: This really is the Diana and Elara tell-all. That was amazing. You had me laughing the whole time. Okay. There's a lot of symptoms. I will also say that because I'm doing an IVF pregnancy, they are making me supplement with progesterone until 10 weeks pregnant. We did a natural cycle, which means that they let my body ovulate naturally and then we timed our transfer with that.
If you do a medicated transfer, which most people end up doing, you have to do a very big shot of progesterone right in your butt. I really wanted to do the natural. I'm taking an oral progesterone. I do think that has influenced maybe some of my symptoms. I think supplementing with progesterone has made me have a little bit of extra symptoms, which is just interesting.
Just to jump topics here a little bit, I want to get into the pregnancy taboos because there's a lot of them. Just speaking of Google, there were a lot of times when, obviously, I knew that we were trying to have a baby, so I started looking at skincare and looking at all these different things. I would Google like, "Can I keep using my little zit cream that has salicylic acid in it? Can I do this, and can I do that? Can I do that?
Elara: And can I still do Botox?
Diana: Can I still do Botox? All these different things and I think that the first reaction, people are so afraid of pregnant women. The risk of a pregnant woman, the liability is terrifying. People just say no automatically. Yes. Let's get into it because I got a lot to say about this topic.
Elara: Okay. The first taboo thing I'm going to cover is pregnancy weight gain. When you google how much weight you should gain during pregnancy, it says 25 to 35 pounds. Your girl here has gained 50 pounds and counting. It is completely normal. Totally, totally normal. Very healthy baby. Yes, he's on the bigger side. As my doctor says, "He is no peanut." I think there is a huge misconception out there in terms of pregnancy weight gain, and that's not something to hyper-fixate on.
Diana: Yes, totally.
Elara: Another thing is that usually, you're told that you shouldn't gain any weight during your first trimester and to slowly start gaining a half pound, and then a pound into the second and third. Everybody is different. Every pregnancy is different. For example, a lot of people don't realize that if they're having twins and they don't necessarily know they're having twins until, let's say, I don't know, eight weeks, right, when they might get their first ultrasound, it's quintessentially important to nourish yourself as much as you can in the first trimester with twins to avoid a preterm labor.
You should be having an increased caloric content of 1,000 calories a day. What can I say? I erred on the side of caution, right, just in case there were twins in there. Yes, pregnancy weight gain, taboo. You can gain more than 25 to 35 pounds. What's wonderful is when you get to my stage of pregnancy, when you step on a scale, your belly blocks the number. I think that just says it all, right?
Diana: I love that. Okay. In terms of skincare, I want to get into this a little bit because I think that we get really afraid of skincare. I will say I am not using retinol anymore because of the vitamin A. I did research on a lot of this stuff, like salicylic acid on all those acids, all the letters that are in skincare. If you are using them in moderation, do what you will, but I feel comfortable using these in moderation after the research that I've done.
I am not going to ingest salicylic acid. Am I going to put a little drop on a zit that I have? Yes. Is that harming my baby? No. I think that there are things to be cautious of, and I think that we just are overly cautious about a lot of those things. We just don't want high amounts of retinols and salicylic acids, and all the acids. I think a small moderation is like you're not doing any harm.
Elara: I agree with that. For me, I've always had a pretty mellow skin regimen. I have a tried-and-true skin regimen that I like that I already use, an organic line that doesn't have a lot of added fragrances to begin with because I already have quite sensitive skin. I have noticed, overall, my skin has gotten more sensitive during pregnancy. I've never been the type to use retinol, but I'm a big fan of getting facials quite routinely.
That's been one of my big self-care things I've done for myself throughout my pregnancy, and I highly recommend it, is getting a facial or getting a massage once a month. I've had some reactions to the more intense masks that they'd put on me. They even did one where I did a mommy massage where they put a mask on my belly, and I had a bit of a reaction that I remember my belly was red for a day. That was not so great.
Diana: Yes, that doesn't sound fun.
Elara: Also, essential oils. You would think or at least I thought that essential oils like lavender would be a good thing while pregnant. Actually, in my experience, it has not been the case. This might be TMI but, right, that's where we're going. I'm a big fan of baths, and I love bath bombs. I love lavender bath bombs, organic bath bombs. I can no longer use them since halfway through the second trimester around when I was at 20 weeks.
It is like I have a flash UTI for 15 to 30 minutes after I use the bath bomb. I completely stopped doing that. I use a very specific body wash now that I don't react to. That's something I've definitely changed. Then before I got pregnant, I used to do a little bit of Botox here and there, and that's something that I have not done since I started even though I wouldn't necessarily say I'm against it. For me, the way I guess I replaced my Botox is I've just done more preventative skincare, i.e., facials. That's made me feel really good.
Diana: Yes, I didn't feel good about the Botox. I felt like I was like, "I'm okay with a little bit of salicylic acid. I do feel like trying to minimize fragrances, getting organic skincare, I'm on board with all of that stuff." I think that that's just to reduce the chemicals that are being-- Someone told me that they tested a placenta, and there were over 200 chemicals in the placenta.
I am trying to reduce household cleaning supplies and all that kind of stuff, just the chemicals. While I feel okay about some skincare, for me, Botox was hard to justify that. Do I miss it? Yes. Am I sad that I can move my forehead? I am.
Elara: Yes, that is a small benefit. Okay. Now, going into food taboos, is there anything that you've stopped eating since you became pregnant?
Diana: No.
Elara: Or drinking. I should say eating and drinking.
Diana: I'm not drinking alcohol. I do feel very strongly that you probably shouldn't drink in your first trimester. I'm going to say, again, a little taboo here, but I think it's okay. It's not great but I think you can have a sip of wine or a very small glass of wine, especially in your third trimester. I do feel like at the first trimester, that that's when everything is developing and growing, so I am not having any alcohol.
Most of the things that they say not to eat are sushi and meat and those things. I don't eat those anyways, like deli meats. I feel okay about soft cheeses. I just think that the risk of listeria is so small that I'm not avoiding soft cheeses. Then, otherwise, those foods don't really apply to me, but I do want to get into the deli meats and the sushi and all that kind of stuff, which I think you should talk about because I do know that you do eat meat and fish. [laugh]
Elara: I do eat meat and fish. I would say that I was the most careful as far as what I was eating during the first trimester of pregnancy, and that tends to be the case for most people because that's when you don't know what's going on. You don't look obviously pregnant from the outside, especially as a first-time mom. You don't want to do anything wrong, so you play it safe, right?
You want to play it by the book. That way, God forbid anything happens, you don't feel like you were at all responsible for that. I didn't have any deli meats. I didn't have any sushi during my first trimester, but once I crept into the second trimester, if I went to a restaurant that was a reputable restaurant where I knew I was going to get quality sushi, sashimi, I've had it. I wouldn't overdo it because I didn't want to overdo the mercury content, but I would have it.
I had a glass of champagne the day that my husband graduated from his MBA program. I was around 19 weeks at that time, and I had just done the abnormalities scan three days before, which, let me tell you, in terms of stressful moments during your pregnancy, that's definitely one of the hurdles to get over. Once I had gotten through that and you saw the main structure, the organs, everything is normal and good, it's okay to take a step back and maybe reward yourself a little bit.
I went through a phase of deeply craving bologna and cheese sandwiches on Wonder white bread towards the later part of my second trimester. I had a couple, and they were delicious. I guess the one thing I'll note is that I am not a medical professional. This is what I've done during my pregnancy journey. By no means am I telling you to throw all of the advice that you might be reading or you might be getting from your healthcare provider out the window, right?
It's your body, your choice, your pregnancy journey. Always check in with a trusted healthcare provider before you make any of these decisions. Obviously, one of the things I noted before is that I have had a relatively easy pregnancy up to this point. I checked in with my father, who's a general practitioner. I asked his advice about these things, and he gave the okay before I went down this route, just so you know. If you're on the fence about something or you're having this big craving that you feel may not be necessarily safe, just talk with your healthcare provider before you make that decision.
Diana: Yes, absolutely. I think all the things that I feel okay about, the only reason I feel okay about is, one, because I have done the research, and I feel comfortable taking those risks. I think it's really important to speak to a healthcare provider but also maybe dive a little bit deeper into research and learn for yourself why maybe that recommendation is given or why it's not given.
Elara: Yes. Another one that people consider stopping a lot is drinking coffee, having caffeine. According to the recommended daily intake for pregnant women in the US, they say don't go over 200 milligrams a day. I have had a couple of iced coffees here and there throughout my pregnancy, and I have two cups of matcha every day. Once again, that's just been my prerogative.
What's interesting about the caffeine recommendation for pregnant women is that it's vastly different depending on what country you're in. In Denmark, for example, it's a bit higher than the 200 milligrams, but I err on the side of caution. I don't tend to go over 150 milligrams. I was, once again, especially strict, I'd say, the first half of my pregnancy, and I've become a bit more lenient in my later weeks.
Diana: I feel like I do feel pretty strict about in the first trimester. I feel like now closer towards the third is when maybe I feel comfortable loosening up. One resource that I want to share that I think Elara shared with you, I love this woman. Everything that she does is based on data. If you are interested, she had done a whole thing about sushi and pregnancy, and I really trust the things that she says because she is an economist.
She has a whole website that is based on people asking questions. Her name is Emily Oster, O-S-T-E-R. Check her know if you just are interested about pregnancy and what is data-driven versus what is just people being overly cautious.
Elara: We'll link to her website in our show notes below. Another thing I think would be interesting to cover before we wrap up this podcast on pregnancy is the idea of exercising while pregnant. I did mention before that I have kept up with my exercise routine throughout my pregnancy. The one thing I will note is that when I first got pregnant, I had just come back from vacation, and I'd fallen off the wagon, so to speak, which I think is really healthy to do once in a while.
I wasn't in the best shape, by any means, of my life. I actually ended up getting in better shape. I'd say it was like the second half of my first trimester. The first couple of weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I took it easy. I just went on really long walks with the dogs. I was still teaching yoga, taking a lot of yoga classes. Then by the time I got to that six-week ultrasound where I heard the baby's heartbeat, that's when I thought, "Okay, I think I can kick it up a little notch," although a little part of me was still erring on the side of caution.
I found this really great app that I still use to this day. I think I told you about it, Diana, as well. I'm obsessed with. It's called The Sculpt Society. It's founded by Megan Roup. She herself actually just went through her second pregnancy and has an amazing prenatal program that you can use throughout your pregnancy journey and say you are feeling like you want to start getting in shape during your second trimester or even your third trimester.
You can start at any point in time, and it's going to be completely safe, of course. Asterisk, always talk to your healthcare provider. Everyone's pregnancy is different, but I find that to be really great and approachable and something that I couldn't recommend more.
Diana: I love that. Again, like you said, every pregnancy is different. There are some pregnancies where bed rest is mandatory, and that is what you need to do. That is okay, but given that I have a healthy pregnancy and that there's no complications or risks, I view birth as the biggest workout that I'm ever going to go through in my entire life, and I would like to prepare for that accordingly.
If all goes as planned, I do not plan on just sitting out these next nine months. I have worked out almost every day of my first trimester. I have taken it easier because my heart rate gets up really fast, and I'm tired. I'm not lifting quite as heavy, but so far, I've been active, and it feels really good. It's also really important for my mental health, which I think is something to just think about.
I think anxiety is not healthy, and that's not healthy in pregnancy. If I can work through some of that with exercise, then that feels really good for me, but I definitely am going a little bit slower.
Elara: Yes, absolutely. You just have to listen to your body. If you're the type of person like me who likes to enter the pain cave for some mental relief, there's going to be less time spent in the pain cave. When you're pregnant, you do have to listen to your body because it's not only your body anymore; it's your body and your baby. You're sharing it with someone else these days. It's not just about what you need, which was an important thing that I had to learn throughout my journey, so just not kicking it up as much as you normally would.
Diana: Seasons of life. Seasons of life. One thing that I love that you said, I've heard you say this a couple of times, that you were like, "Listen, this is my time to really enjoy this stage. After pregnancy, I'm going to be in the best shape of my life, but right now, I don't know." I don't know. I just love that you said that because I didn't hear it out of a place of that you don't love your body now and that you can't wait to be skinny again. It's just that there are seasons, and you know that you're going to get back into it.
Elara: It goes to the mantra of “right now.” Right now, I'm loving it. I'm loving my curves. I'm loving all these extra parts of my body and my hips and my breasts and my thighs and my arms and my chubbier cheeks, and my husband is, too. I think that makes a big difference and goes back to the whole. Throughout this pregnancy journey, it's really great when you have a supportive partner.
I think both of us have been really lucky in that. I guess one other question that we can touch on, Diana, is "How do you go about interacting with a friend who might also be going through their own pregnancy journey, and it isn't as smooth as yours?" Maybe they don't have a supportive partner. Maybe they, unfortunately, had to terminate their pregnancy for some reason. How do you handle that with grace?
Diana: Yes. I guess I have a small peek into that world, dealing with going through the infertility world. I can say I had a lot of people, including you, that got pregnant while we were dealing with infertility. I think it's not totally the same experience, but it is similar. I think, for me, what was so helpful was people checking in on me but not just after my egg retrieval, which was obviously a big thing, but checking in not just on the days that we got bad news but just checking in throughout the whole process of like, "Hey, it's been four months. How are you doing?"
Because I think a lot of people are really good at showing up at the beginning and then they're like, "Okay, I've checked off my boxes," or life gets busy, and then they stop checking in. For me, it was really helpful to have people check in and not just on the bad days or just the good days. Then I'm in this IVF Facebook group, and there's a lot of things of like, "How would you prefer someone tell you about their pregnancy when you're struggling?"
I think that this applies for not just the infertility world but other things, too. A lot of people's preference was that they were texting so that they could have a moment to feel what they needed to feel outside of being in person when someone's watching your reaction. I think that also if something is going really well for you in your pregnancy and you know someone else is really struggling and it's something that you want to share, I think texting can actually be a good method because it gives them the time to process so then they can show up when they're ready to have that conversation.
I think my biggest thing I think is to just check in on people and let them know that you're there and not in a passive way but in an active way. What do you think? What's your advice?
Elara: Absolutely. I think that being there for someone is key. One of the things I've loved during my pregnancy journey is. I'm not in a Facebook group, but I have an app on my phone, which I believe I shared with you. It's called What To Expect. It's a purple icon, and you can join different discussion groups ranging from if you've suffered a loss or IVF to the month that you're having your baby.
My favorite group is the December 2023 babies because I'm due in December, and I've just loved it as far as getting peace of mind and having a community and having a place to discuss all these random questions and things that pop into my mind. It puts you at ease and doesn't make you feel crazy. All the different things that you might be Googling and knowing that other women are going through it, too, sharing photos of their bumps, sharing the experience of telling family, planning baby showers, unexpectedly giving birth on the earlier side, pieces of advice, I think it's great to just have a community and to be supportive and be active on that platform, not just be a listener.
That's something I think I've started to do more later in my pregnancy is I was more of a fly on the wall to the app in the community groups, but in the last couple of weeks, I've gotten a lot more engaged, and it's really rewarding.
Diana: I love that. Yours is probably going to be more interesting than mine is, but what if we end on a fun note of what's your weirdest pregnancy craving?
Elara: Oh, mine's caviar.
Diana: Oh, expensive.
Elara: That sounds so ridiculously expensive, and it's my husband's fault. I blame him. If you're listening to this, Peter. Because I had never ever eaten caviar in my life, and this poor man made the mistake of force-feeding it to me when we were in Japan, of all places, and then the timing. It was bad. Then I think it's because it's the salt. I love it. I love caviar and I love taramasalata. My husband is Greek and taramasalata is a fish roe dip with fish roe like eggs and olive oil and cream. It is delicious. I love spreading that on toast. What about you?
Diana: I'm still so early, so I don't know that I've had any weird pregnancy cravings, but I think bread, just white. I have a honey whole-wheat that I was trying out to see if that would be flavorless enough for me, and I gagged. I can't even do honey whole-wheat at the moment. I got to do just plain white bread. [laughs]
Elara: Carbs has been very strong in my journey as well. I had linguini and clams left over as my breakfast this morning. That's where I stand. I will say that seven and a half months in, I've had waves of different things like caviar. I haven't had it that much because it's quite expensive. It's reigned true. I always want it in the back of my head, something salty. I've craved salty versus sweet. I've had waves of cravings. I went through a tuna salad phase.
Diana: Oh, gross.
Elara: I went through a cream cheese and toast phase. I went through an Eggs Benedict phase, which you know you were with me on that journey. I had it every day for 14 days. It was sick. I don't know. This current wave is I've been into breakfast food, so I think I'm probably going to make pancakes for dinner tonight.
Diana: That sounds good.
Elara: Like I said, I'm enjoying the rollercoaster. I'm just like, "What do I feel like having tonight? I'm going to have it."
Diana: Yes. No, I love that. I did have a weird craving for Kraft mac and cheese, but I didn't want the noodles. I wanted the cartoon characters, and [laughs] I wanted it to be too watery. That was all that I wanted. Now that sounds too strong to me. I don't know. It's a weird world. Pregnancy is weird. I am very excited for your next phase because the next phase is a baby coming out. I love you, and I love that we get to be so supportive of each other. I think that that's all I got to say about it. We went pretty deep here.
Elara: We went pretty deep, girl. I think we're probably going to have to circle back on this once I'm past the finish line and on the other side.
Diana: I think so, too.
Elara: Then I think you're going to be there in a few months, so probably next year, we can circle back on this and talk a little bit about the fourth trimester, which is something that I think is left out a lot. I'm looking forward to that. I think there's a lot of good things to come. There's definitely going to be some sleep deprivation involved, but I think you're never ready, right? You got to go with the flow.
Diana: Just to end that these are our stories and our experiences and that how we feel and what we do does not need to apply to you, and that's okay. Everyone gets to make their own choices. If you feel different, Elara and I have pretty different experiences, but if you land somewhere in the middle and you don't feel any of these things, that that's okay, too, and that your pregnancy and your experience is valid.
Elara: If there's anything you feel like we didn't get to touch on today that you'd love to hear when we circle back on the pregnancy topic, drop it in the comments below. We'd love to hear from you. Just a reminder, Diana and I are not medical experts. We are not your healthcare provider. This is just us sharing our experience. This is, by no means, certified medical advice. If you have any questions, concerns, considerations about your own pregnancy, getting pregnant, fertility, talk to your healthcare provider about it.
Host: Sip, savor, and live well with new episodes of the Matcha Guardians every Wednesday. Follow our show for free on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you're listening right now. Leave your questions and comments below. Find us on Instagram at The Matcha Guardians or click on matcha.com.